What happens to a society when all the grown-ups suddenly decide to quit their jobs and pursue their divine purpose? Over the last year, I have journeyed down the rabbit hole of YouTube self-help gurus and spiritual teachers. I have binge-watched videos about inner child work and played online tarot readings for “the collective” to exhaustion. It is kinda ridiculous how much I’ve allowed myself to be brainwashed and indoctrinated by these little videos, so much so that I quit my job and sailed across the oceans.
How do I know I’m on the right track? Cause that numerology lady pulled a card that uncannily described the exact events that had just unfolded, and asserted they were my soul’s contract for this year. Yes. That’s how coo-coo batshit crazy I’ve become. But also, cause it works.
Yes, you guys, as inconvenient as it is for a rationally oriented scientist to admit, spirituality does work. In the 14 months that have passed since I decided to buy into the social media spiritual self-development woohoo, I have:
Overcome a decade-long addiction to multiple drugs
Meditated and journaled daily
Spent 3 months on the Balearic Islands sailing with more than 50 friends
Published my first book and toured it in Norway, the Netherlands, and Brazil
Completed and defended a PhD
Secured a book grant for my second book
Recieved mentorship and applied for several prestigious grants
Sailed across the Atlantic Ocean and then the Caribbean Sea
Been baptised by a Maya shaman
Gone from 3K to 24K followers on Instagram
Built an ethnographic travel blog from scratch
Gotten past heartbreak and come out stronger
Visited 13 countries
Created multiple income avenues to fund my research and storytelling
Finally found time to rest (yes, believe it or not)
Learned that magic is real
Please don’t confuse what I’m saying: spirituality is not a productivity hack, and I have always been a high achiever (which is probably part of the problem). But there’s something about the last year that sets it apart. What I’m building now feels different. My actions and decisions seem to align with my desires. My nervous system feels regulated. I notice my thoughts, and I get less caught up in my emotions. There is no other way to say this: I feel like a completely different person.
Good different. Not bad, different.
Yes, I miss some of the old parts of me: the part that was oblivious to his suffering cause it was buried under so many layers of coping mechanisms that I didn’t even know it was there. It was easier. Seeing yourself fully means… Well—seeing yourself fully. Warts and all. And realizing that maybe your life was not as great as you made it out to be.
I also miss the part of me who could party three nights in a row and belive that was cool. That part was careless and easygoing to the point that it now looks like self-abandonment and lack of self-worth. But hey, old me did not see it that way, so exposing myself and others to objectification and chaotic behavior was just another fun night out on the town. My life could have easily made for a seventh season of LOST, but the upside was that I didn’t take things so seriously.
And I miss the part that was certain about how the world works. The “what you see is what you get and that’s that” approach made it easy to make decisions. Those days are loooong gone.
My spiritual awakening did not bring me clarity. It brought confusion, or perhaps awareness around my confusion. I was one of the smarties with a bunch of degrees who laughed at people who believe in astrology and walk barefoot in the forest. And now I expect to be taken seriously when I ramble on about repeating numbers, plant medicine, and manifestation. That’s rich.
But anyhow. Yes, it works was what I was trying to get at. All the woohoo. That’s what it boils down to for me. I’m not naive: I know that there are plenty of shadows in the world of faith and spiritual. And I’m not advocating universal truths or any kind of certainties.
But I’ve allowed myself to experiment and test things out before I opine. And lo and behold, as I’ve leaned into prayer, intuition, and faith, I can objectively verify that my life is improved—my self is developed.
Who would have thought that God was the missing piece?
Not me, that’s for sure.
My heart is grinning :) ♡ May your heart guide you forevermore 🙏🏼
LOVE IT ❤️